The Weight of the “What If”
The professional life I lived in Nairobi, much like the rigid career path I abandoned, was always defined by external metrics: the size of the monthly paycheck, the title on the business card, and the perceived stability of the institution I served. For years, these markers dominated my narrative of success, fostering a relentless hustle that, eventually, led only to exhaustion. Yet, buried beneath that ambition was a constant, nagging query: What if the metrics I’d chased were fundamentally misaligned with the life I truly desired?
My journey of redefining success didn’t begin with a strategic plan; it started with a trauma—a question born of regret, irony, and uncertainty. When I sit and ponder, “Almost 10 years later I sit a ponder on my choice… and wonder wtf was I thinking then,” I capture the essential doubt that shadows any radical pivot I’ve made. This story delves into that moment—my deliberate abandonment of a high-status banking career for the elusive promise of proximity and peace—to argue that what appeared to be a chaotic leap into darkness was, in reality, the crucial first step toward intentional, conscious living and genuine self-sovereignty.
The central truth I’ve discovered is that rejecting the stable, prestigious paycheck—the definitive metric of status in Nairobi’s corporate ecosystem—was the necessary prerequisite for attaining a more profound form of wealth. I now measure wealth not in accrued capital, but in tranquility and self-attributed worth, a state beautifully encapsulated by the Swahili principle of Kutosheka, or enoughness. My subsequent shift from the secure environment of a corporate bank to the volatile, self-directed realm of freelance writing and gig economy driving exemplifies a growing trend among Kenyan professionals like me who are trading guaranteed income for greater Wellbeing and time autonomy.
Adopting the principles-first framework, I’ve established that discovering my purpose wasn’t a miraculous solution to life’s problems, but rather the essential foundation for aligning my goals and actions effectively. My trajectory was an unconscious search for the right life purpose. When my previous goal—corporate stability—proved incompatible with my non-negotiable value of family proximity, my entire system of professional goals collapsed, forcing a reset towards what truly mattered. My current attainment of peace, despite financial volatility, serves as the ultimate validation of this profound, if initially painful, realignment.
This entire narrative unfolds within the context of The Nairobi Paradox. Nairobi is the highly competitive, fast-paced capital defined by the “rat race” —the very environment where traditional definitions of success are most vehemently enforced. The irony of seeking peace in a city built on the relentless pursuit of profit highlights the intensity of the internal transformation I needed. My story is a pioneering case study for any Nairobi professional seeking a different path—a demonstration of trading high-status security for low-status flexibility, only to realize that the latter provides the indispensable foundation for Wellbeing. It offers a blueprint for navigating the inevitable clash between corporate demand and human need, revealing that true security is found not in the institution, but in my own adaptability and self-possession.
The Illusion of the Ladder (The Implosion of Prestige)
The decision I took to step away from a lucrative and respected career, especially in a status-conscious city like Nairobi, was never taken lightly. To understand the magnitude of my choice, you must first recognize the professional altitude I occupied and the systemic inertia I resisted.
The Anchor: A Coastline and a Corporate Contract
In the mid-2010s, the Kenyan banking sector was the pinnacle of professional achievement and financial stability. Around 2016 and 2017, the sector was characterized as robust, highly profitable, and intensely competitive. Achieving a role within a major financial institution like Family Bank, especially in client-facing or regional leadership, conferred a distinct level of security, status, and elevated professional standing. By all societal metrics, I was at a career peak.
I was situated in Mombasa, a city known for its dramatically different pace of life compared to the capital. Mombasa offered a distinctive equilibrium, characterized by a relaxed pace and a general air of “No rush, everything in it’s own time” . This coastal environment blended fast-paced city life with a laid-back lifestyle, making it easier to find the elusive work-life balance . My professional life was comfortable, stable, and strategically successful in a region I was noted for understanding well.
However, this professional stability eventually clashed violently with a foundational human need: my desire for proximity to my young family, whose center was Nairobi. This emotional debt proved higher than my professional salary or the prestige of my title, forcing a moral accounting. The stability of the coastal assignment was predicated on an unbearable distance from my two-year-old son, creating a conflict that rendered all my professional achievements hollow. My subsequent move to Nairobi, the center of business and the “rat race” , was therefore not a career promotion, but a personal obligation that introduced immediate and severe stress to my life.
The Institutional Drag and the Structure of Resistance
When I sought to resolve this conflict through a simple internal transfer, I encountered the full rigidity of the corporate structure. My boss’s opposition and the subsequent three-month delay in addressing my email request were rooted in the institutional valuation of my irreplaceable regional expertise. The acknowledgment that the head office had “finally found someone who understood the coast” underscored that I was viewed as a critical organizational asset, prioritizing the bank’s operational efficiency in Mombasa over my personal wellbeing.
The corporate resistance was further highlighted by the request that I “find someone like to replace me as I made the switch to Nairobi.” This suggestion perfectly exemplified the transactional nature of my perceived value. It confirmed that the institution saw me as a resource to be managed rather than a human being with non-negotiable familial needs. When the corporate system resisted my human need so fundamentally, I was forced to confront the realization that my prestige was, in effect, a high-status cage.
My resulting threat to resign, and the subsequent execution of that threat, transcended a mere career decision. It was a profound personal declaration that proximity to my son was my highest non-negotiable value. The departure from the bank was not a graceful pivot, but a wrenching severance, a dramatic psychological shift from a relaxed environment to the intense, competitive pressure cooker of Nairobi . This move, initially intended as a family solution, immediately amplified my psychological vulnerability and set the stage for profound personal and financial conflict.
A crucial point, often missed in the heat of a crisis, is the contextual alignment of my departure with the long-term structural changes in Kenyan finance. Although my exit was driven by family, it inadvertently served as a fortunate pre-emptive move against an imminent wave of technological disruption. By 2023, the full force of digital banking was evident, with major local banks conducting over 90% of their transactions outside physical branches. Concurrently, roles like bank teller and related clerical positions were listed among the professions most likely to decline rapidly due to technological advancement and artificial intelligence. My subsequent inability to find another bank job, a fact I now deem “perfectly fine,” is confirmed by the industry’s rapid decline in traditional clerical and front-office roles.
The Psychological Ledger: When Career Sacrifice Fails
The decision I made to sacrifice a career for family unity is often glorified, but it carries immense financial and psychological risks that are frequently overlooked until the relationship dissolves. My personal experience—abandoning my career only to later separate from my ex-wife—necessitates a rigorous analysis of the psychological fallout of asymmetrical sacrifice.
| Outcome | Risk When Sacrifice is Asymmetrical | Mitigation Strategy (LiveLife.ke Focus) |
| Resentment & Inadequacy | The sacrificing partner (Me) feels my loss of identity/income is unappreciated. | Establish shared financial goals |
| Power Imbalance | The financially successful partner gains overwhelming control, leading to conflict. | Maintain individual financial autonomy |
| Loss of Identity | The sacrificing partner loses career self-worth, which is key to self-attribution. | Cultivate non-financial sources of self-worth |
| Financial Vulnerability | The lack of accrued benefits (pension, savings) leaves the sacrificing partner vulnerable post-divorce. | Prioritize personal retirement planning . |
The Irony of Sacrifice (When Purpose and Partnership Diverge)
My narrative takes its most poignant turn with the immediate consequences of the resignation. The intended solution—sacrificing career prestige for family presence—failed to preserve the relationship, revealing that financial stability is often woven into the psychological fabric of partnership.
The Leap Into Darkness: Financial and Psychological Trauma
My abrupt transition to Nairobi was immediately complicated by The Three-Month Void of unemployment. This period represented not merely a financial loss but a complete collapse of my professional identity and daily structure. Nairobi’s urban environment magnified the resulting stress. Unlike Mombasa, where the cost of living might be generally more affordable , Nairobi is the political and business central, with higher average costs for amenities . This economic pressure on our family unit, paired with the psychological trauma of joblessness, placed our financial coping mechanisms under The Ultimate Stress Test.
I found myself having to rely heavily on personal savings, family support, and a high degree of resourcefulness typical of Kenyans navigating economic uncertainty. Kenyan families, particularly those in urban settlements, demonstrate impressive financial resilience, often relying on informal saving mechanisms like micro-deposits for emergencies. However, a sudden, sustained drop in income, especially when moving to a more expensive city, strains these mechanisms to their limit. For me, surviving three months without a paycheck meant testing the limits of this financial resilience.
The psychological impact of unemployment, especially when long-term, is well-documented. It leads to a risk of social isolation and what sociologists term “social disqualification,” greatly upsetting the individual’s sense of routine and identity. My later success in creating a self-directed routine (writing, playing, driving) is now understood as a vital, if subconscious, effort to mitigate these negative psychological consequences.
The IT Pivot and The Inevitable Corporate Exit
My subsequent job in the IT distribution firm represented an attempt to fit back into the traditional corporate mold, seeking to replace the lost banking stability. However, this period coincided with systemic economic fragility in Kenya. Pre-COVID economic growth (6.3% in 2018, 5.4% in 2019) was robust, but the years immediately following 2019 saw significant shocks . The COVID-19 lockdowns, specifically between April and June 2020, resulted in profound employment and business disruptions, forcing 96% of surveyed households in Nairobi’s informal settlements to reduce work hours.
Although my IT job loss was described as a “ceremonial exit,” suggesting a personalized termination, I have to contextualize it within this pervasive national job instability . Kenya’s corporate sector, including the rapidly expanding tech industry, faces significant constraints, including weak job protections and limited infrastructure that often prevents digital work from transforming into stable, high-quality employment . My second formal job loss was therefore not necessarily a personal failing, but an encounter with the inherent instability and systemic vulnerability of the Kenyan formal employment structure during a time of economic contraction . This repeated rejection by the traditional corporate world served as a necessary economic pressure, fundamentally altering my career trajectory and forcing me toward sustainable, self-directed work.
The Unintended Cost: Separation and the Ambition Gap’s Toll
The most profound and painful outcome of my sacrifice was the day my ,then, wife left, captured by the painful irony that I surrendered my career for proximity, yet the partnership still fractured.
The psychology of career sacrifice in a relationship suggests that while willingness to sacrifice is linked to happier couples, the sacrifice must be perceived as mutual and appreciated to avoid long-term resentment. In my case, the act of giving up a high-status career for the family’s location structurally created an Ambition Gap and a dangerous psychological imbalance.
When one partner leaves a promising career, they become dependent, risking resentment and feelings of inadequacy, while the financially successful partner (my ex-wife, who maintained her insurance firm job in Nairobi) may struggle with guilt or a sense of entrapment. This reversal of roles—from high-status banker to jobless and then low-status earner—introduces an imbalance of power, often leading to conflict and emotional distance. The act of sacrifice, intended as a demonstration of love, paradoxically introduced the very structural factors—financial stress, status mismatch, and dependence—that frequently contribute to the breakdown of modern relationships.
My reflection on “what I was thinking then” is validated by this complex social psychology. My initial motivation (love and proximity) was noble, but the resulting structural changes in the relationship’s dynamic (financial vulnerability, identity shift) overwhelmed the union. The realization, nearly a decade later, is that true relational stability requires both partners to thrive as individuals, harmonizing ambition and affection, rather than one carrying the other.
Part III: The Philosophy of Kutosha (The Redefinition of Success)
The culmination of these corporate and relational ruptures was the forced abandonment of traditional ambition and the turn towards internal metrics of value. This pivot represents my conscious pursuit of “enough”—a sustainable state of contentment beyond the demands of the paycheck.
3.1. Finding the Right Wall: The Purpose Audit
In the structured approach to personal excellence, we are cautioned that furiously climbing a ladder is futile if it is leaning against the wrong wall. My corporate career, symbolized by the prestigious bank job, was the wrong wall because it fundamentally demanded the sacrifice of my core values (proximity, mental peace). The ensuing trauma of job loss and divorce provided a painful but necessary Purpose Audit.
The forced interval of unemployment allowed me to achieve profound clarity on what was truly important versus what was merely societal expectation. I realized that many of my previous goals—the paycheck size, the corporate title, the material acquisitions associated with the banking lifestyle—were ultimately “pointless in the grand scheme of things”. The true objective was revealed to be the ability to raise my own consciousness and achieve internal peace. This shift mirrors the transformative realization that marks the beginning of conscious living: establishing the “big picture” right first, then aligning goals and actions to it.
3.2. From Hustle Culture to Emotional Wealth
My current state—valuing peace, tranquility, and creative output—places me at the forefront of a significant cultural shift across Africa known as the Soft Life Movement. For decades, success in cities like Nairobi was synonymous with the endless hustle, glorifying exhaustion and sleepless nights. This meant operating in the Nairobi culture of “fast” action, the “rat race,” and prioritizing the business central identity .
Now, I am part of the new aspirational order, prioritizing “emotional wealth” (joy, creativity, purpose, and health) over material excess. By focusing on activities that foster peace and tranquility (writing, playing, driving), I am prioritizing how gently I live over what I own, validating the declaration of worth inherent in the soft life philosophy. This pursuit is an active, intentional rejection of the toxic aspects of hustle culture.
3.3. The Swahili Principle of Contentment: Kutosha
The abstract concept of “enough” finds its philosophical and cultural anchor in the Swahili concept of Kutosheka (sufficiency or contentment). This principle represents a deep alignment with the natural flow of existence, similar to the Taoist concept of Wu Wei, or “effortless action”. Kutosheka teaches that true happiness does not arise from the active, forceful pursuit of more, but from a quiet, passive acceptance of one’s current state, adapting seamlessly and organically to life’s challenges.
For me, achieving this contentment meant recognizing that my worth was independent of the external systems I once served. My declaration, “I consider my self successful,” stems from self-attribution. The highest satisfaction occurs when success is internally attributed—when I believe that I myself (rather than luck, fate, or a prestigious job title) have created the successful performance. I am successful because I defined the terms of my life, prioritizing the internal metric of peace over the external metric of the paycheck.
3.4. The Market Validation: Titles Die, Adaptability Survives
The abandonment of the banking career, while personally costly, was economically rational in the long view. My inability to return to the bank job is consistent with the structural rationalization occurring in the industry, where digital transformation has rendered many traditional roles obsolete. My voluntary exit was, therefore, structurally unavoidable, accelerating my pivot toward future-proof skills.
My current economic security is redefined as adaptability and the ability to leverage the burgeoning gig economy . By successfully moving into freelance writing and gig mobility (driving), I utilize my intelligence and leverage Kenya’s strong mobile and digital infrastructure . This pivot showcases the new reality of professional security in Nairobi: not tenure in a single institution, but the ability to generate income through multiple, flexible streams.
| Metric | Mombasa Banker (2017) | Nairobi Creative Entrepreneur (2024) |
| Primary Value | Financial Security & Institutional Prestige | Peace, Tranquility, and Creative Autonomy |
| Job Stability | High (Rigid structure) | Low (Gig Economy Volatility) |
| Work Environment | High Stress/High Burnout Risk | High Autonomy/Low Ambient Stress |
| Economic Foresight | Low (Vulnerable to Digitization) | High (Aligned with Gig/Digital Economy Growth) |
| Measure of Success | External Title, Salary, Acquisition | Internal Self-Attribution, Emotional Wealth |
The exchange I made is clear: I traded the low volatility of a fixed banking salary, which produced high psychological stress , for the high volatility of gig work , which yields low psychological stress due to increased purpose and autonomy. This was a deliberate, rational exchange of financial stability for mental stability.
Part IV: The Architecture of Financial Resilience and Gig Work
Peace must be financially sustained. My current career—a blend of writing, which monetizes self-expression, and driving, which provides structured, immediate income—demonstrates the practical architecture required to manage the high-risk, high-autonomy nature of the new path.
4.1. Beyond the Paycheck: The New Safety Net
Surviving three months of joblessness required me to move away from a high-spending, salary-dependent lifestyle. The primary lesson from that void is the crucial need for constant financial preparedness to absorb income shocks. Professionals navigating career pivots or the gig economy must build the financial habits necessary to sustain themselves during periods of intense market uncertainty.
The actionable principle derived here is Mastering the Financial Stress Test. This involves adopting the disciplined mentality of micro-finance, where individuals learn to save consistently to build robust resilience against economic downturns and job loss. Financial resilience, particularly in dynamic Kenyan markets, demands a strong foundation in personal finance. Read ideas on savings and investing Smart Saving Strategies for Kenyan Professionals. Furthermore, for those who successfully manage financial shifts, the capacity to deploy capital strategically reinforces an identity built around stewardship rather than reflexive consumption.
4.2. The Digital Hustle: Finding Flow in the Gig Economy
My current economic base is firmly within Kenya’s expanding digital labour platforms and gig economy. This sector has witnessed rapid growth over the last decade, transitioning young Kenyans toward more accessible, competitive, and consistent job opportunities, especially given the overall national unemployment rate stands at 26.4 percent. Nairobi is a key hub for this ecosystem, with a significant portion of its younger workforce engaged in tech-enabled remote or gig-based work .
However, the flexibility of gig work comes with significant precarity. Gig workers often endure unstable incomes, lack social protections (such as pensions and healthcare), and face job insecurity due to arbitrary platform decisions or unfair rating systems . This trade-off means that high autonomy must be counterbalanced by relentless self-management and rigorous financial planning. Given the existing regulatory gap, which often fails to recognize gig workers as employees, I must proactively establish my own personal safety net, including independent investment and insurance structures, to mitigate systemic risk .
4.3. Writing as Vocation and Income Strategy
Freelance writing represents my conscious choice to monetize self-expression, aligning my work with my pursuit of peace and creativity (“Today I write on livelife.ke, play amateur volleyball in the evening and drive an online taxi most of the time to find peace and tranquility my life”). This activity is a form of vocational self-healing, empowering me to forge an identity independent of a corporate brand.
The Income Reality of writing in Nairobi, however, requires high skill and professionalism. PayScale data illustrates the extreme variability in compensation for freelance writers in Nairobi, with hourly rates ranging widely. While some top-tier writers can command high rates, the average pay remains low. To sustain a middle-class life in Nairobi, I must be consistently operating at the higher end of this pay scale, necessitating continuous skill development and networking. The success of this path confirms that purpose and passion must be paired with commercial professionalism to be viable.
4.4. The Driver’s Seat: Gig Mobility and Mindfulness
The choice to include driving (implied gig mobility or personal driving) is a crucial element of my new architecture of peace. It serves a functional role, providing necessary daily structure—a vital coping mechanism for individuals transitioning from the fixed routines of corporate life—and offers reliable, short-term income that acts as a practical counterweight to the variable income of writing.
More significantly, driving functions as a therapeutic tool. The act of movement and the focus required in driving can become a source of mindfulness and reflection. For me, recovering from the psychological stress of unemployment and divorce, engaging in physical, structured activity reduces cortisol (the stress hormone) and fosters a sense of satisfaction. The ability to “drive most of the time to find peace and tranquility” is a deliberate practice of translating physical movement into mental wellness. This flexible work arrangement optimizes for time control over income scale, ensuring the financial sacrifice is offset by the critical value of autonomy and time spent on self and family.
This blend of activities forms a diversified income strategy that supports long-term goals. Read guides on structuring and optimizing flexible income streams. Side Hustles & Entrepreneurship Starting Your Profitable Side Hustle in Nairobi.
Part V: The Practice of Peace and Tranquility (The New Measure of Wealth)
The highest achievement in this redefined life is my deliberate cultivation of internal peace, transforming the activities of writing, playing, and driving into a comprehensive, holistic mental health strategy that replaces the former corporate dependency.
5.1. Structuring the Unstructured Life (The Discipline of Freedom)
The great illusion of freedom is that it can sustain itself without discipline. For me, freedom from the bank’s rigid schedule posed the psychological challenge of structurelessness, which can lead to anxiety and isolation. My current life model demonstrates that genuine, sustainable autonomy must be backed by a rigid personal discipline—a self-imposed routine that replaces the corporate clock.
My current activities—writing, playing, and driving—are sophisticated, if unconscious, Active Coping Mechanisms. Writing provides distraction, self-expression, and a sense of routine; “playing” offers positive reframing and optimism; and driving provides structured movement and a focus on the immediate task, preventing the mind from dwelling on past professional trauma or financial anxiety. This personal architecture of peace validates the principle that mental wealth must be proactively built and maintained.
5.2. Mental Wealth: The Highest Return on Investment
My flight from corporate prestige is a rational response to the documented mental health crisis in Kenyan workplaces. High stress levels lead to burnout in over 65% of employees and result in massive national productivity losses—estimated at Ksh 62.2 billion in 2021. The primary losses come not from medical expenses but from absenteeism due to stress, depression, or burnout.
By prioritizing peace, I strategically avoided becoming a statistic of corporate stress. My current life model validates the concept that investing in Mental Health provides a superior return on investment than endlessly pursuing productivity metrics that come at the cost of personal well-being. Professionals in Nairobi are increasingly recognizing that self-preservation is a strategic choice. The psychological cost of the rat race is high, necessitating proactive measures such as utilizing social support networks (which are vital for mitigating the effects of unemployment) and establishing personal wellness practices. LiveLife.ke offers resources for this critical pursuit Guide to Cultivating a Growth Mindset in Your Career. This emphasis on mental well-being aligns with Kenya’s recently enacted national guidelines on workplace mental wellness, highlighting that my personal solution is a socially and politically relevant adaptation.
5.3. The Therapeutic Power of Simple Action
My new success is defined by small, intentional acts of creation and presence.
The Joy of Creation: The act of writing allows me to assert my identity without relying on a corporate brand. I am actively creating value, a process that is profoundly self-healing and empowering.
The Definition of Playing: “Playing” in this context is broad, encompassing hobbies, intentional time with my son, or even the reflective act of detailing a car. Research confirms that engaging in non-productive activities like organizing and cleaning a personal space (such as a vehicle) reduces stress and generates satisfaction. It is intentional, non-productive activity that fosters joy and purpose, contributing to emotional wealth.
The New Success Metric: Tranquility is the new currency. The ability to “drive most of the time to find peace and tranquility” is the ultimate achievement of self-sovereignty. I have replaced the rigid demand for external financial markers with the internal metric of self-determined time allocation.
5.4. Rebuilding Relationships (Fatherhood Redefined)
Despite the divorce, I achieved the fundamental goal that initiated my entire career shift: proximity to my son. The flexibility of my gig work allows me to move beyond transactional parenting to intentional, present fatherhood. This ability to be present for my son at two years old and subsequently through his life is the silent, sustained win of the entire ordeal.
Furthermore, the experience has yielded emotional maturity. The scars from the career sacrifice and the relational fallout are now the source of my wisdom and self-worth. The journey forced me to embrace vulnerability and self-knowledge, making me successful because I survived the ultimate stress test and validated the outcome entirely on my own terms. The final pillar of this intentional life is the commitment to rebuilding strong connections, a process aided by the dedicated pursuit of personal peace. Here are Tips for Creating Meaningful Relationships.
Success is Found at the End of the Road
The journey from a prestigious banking position in Mombasa to a self-directed life of writing and driving in Nairobi is a powerful testament to the re-evaluation of success in modern Kenya. My initial reflection—wondering what I was thinking when I made that chaotic leap—is fully answered by the decade of subsequent self-discovery. The true cost of remaining in the banking cage was the sacrifice of my peace and my presence as a father. The loss of the corporate title led directly to the ultimate gain of self-sovereignty.
The enduring success statement is my final realization: “I have never found another bank job which is perfectly fine.” This is the core principle of enough in practice. I no longer need the former symbol of stability because I hold the ultimate wealth: control over my time, my narrative, and my mental tranquility. My life demonstrates that career stability in the 21st century is not found in institutional permanence, but in personal adaptability and a fierce commitment to defining one’s own non-negotiable values.
My story serves as an urgent call to Conscious Living for the Live Life reader. It demands an immediate audit of your personal life principles. If your professional ladder is leaning against a wall that requires the sacrifice of your mental health, relational presence, or personal authenticity, it is time to reassess your purpose. True wealth is the ability to look back on a decision that seemed insane at the time and realize it was the only rational path toward genuine contentment. The pursuit of “enough” must be founded on self-knowledge, not external expectation, to be truly sustainable. Find your enough, and the paycheck, however large or small, will simply serve as a tool for the life you have already chosen.
